Just Meditating in Print

From The Amplified Bible:

If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action]. -I John 1:9
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I freely admit that I have sinned by allowing something in my Spirit and/or personality to fester for so long, so many years without dealing with it once and for all. Before anyone starts speculating about what insidious, hateful, vice I am about to reveal, just go ahead and sit down. (you probably don't stand while on the computer anyway so I'll just assume the obvious---you are already sitting.) . For anyone who has ever participated in any group activity with me, lived near me, attended church or school with me, you may beat me to my own confession. For anyone else, I am only procrastinating in print as I build up to the confession and it is this:

I, Leisl Lemire am annoyingly, perpetually, frustratingly.....late.

Late. Late. Late. Late! Nearly, but not quite, always.

It is the thing about myself I hate the most. It is likely the thing about me that others hate the most. There have been times that I have confessed this sin, and others have said, this isn't a sin is it? This is just a shortcoming. Well, I fear for me that it is a lot of things, including but not limited to, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) {and boy, can't I use that excuse for lots of things},
a very bad habit years in the making, a generational curse (sorry Mom, it is what it is, and you have at least overcome it for yourself),....I could go on and on. If I did, I would merely be attempting to excuse myself from a societal reality that, like it or not, I am stuck with until Jesus comes to take me home where I pray there are no clocks.

I hear that some cultures south of the border are not so locked up in time constraints. While I envy them and am slightly tempted to head out on the next bus to Mexico, well, its just not feasible and wouldn't really resolve anything. The real issue is, apparently, within myself. I can honestly tell anyone who will listen that when I am late, I am not consciously or otherwise committing an act of selfish passive aggression or trying to cause my marriage to self destruct. I am not trying to exhibit some type of power over others. I am not in the deepest part of my being expressing a belief that I matter more than the rest of the world.

I have pondered many times over how to correct this. I have read books on managing time. I have cried. I have prayed. I have moped about like a scared puppy hoping nobody noticed but knowing my husband ALWAYS did. Today, I am addressing the situation a little more head on, hence - the blog post.

For anyone who might still be reading this wondering why I just don't get overmyself, well, believe me, if it were that simple I would have already done it. It is really quite humiliating to have to admit this in a public forum. However, though it might appear that I am a glutton for punishment, my goal in writing this is just to give myself a whole TON of ACCOUNTABILITY.
So, in the coming days, ask me, remind me, hold me accountable for what seems like a very basic rite of the typical person's life; p-u-n-c-t-u-a-l-i-t-y.

See, what I am counting on is in the last part of that verse I quoted above. The part where it defines unrighteousness as anything not conforming to His will in purpose, thought, and action. And the promise is given that if I confess my sin that He will cleanse me from all that. {All that}being, anything not conforming to His will in purpose, thought, and action. Do you follow? He commands us to "love our neighbor as ourselves," and to "do unto others as you would have done unto you." It is obviously His will that we, "do good, one to another." Well, by causing others to wait, as a result of my tardiness, I am not showing love, nor am I doing unto them what I want done unto me. This is not legalism, neither is it perfectionism. It is acting with purpose.
So, do I think I will be late ever again? Well, statistically, the chances are pretty high that I might fail again sometime in this endeavor. But let's not focus on that shall we? Nope. I have been as honest in my confession as I can be, and I am trusting that it is "God who is at work in me to will and to act according to His good pleasure." So that is where I leave this now. I am going to bed.

Much Love and Many Blessings,
Leisl